Let me get right to the point. It takes a lot to make some people happy.
Why?
Happiness is easy to define in general: it’s simply feeling good.
What does it take for you to be happy?
Materialism
Stuff makes us happy.
Food, drugs, money, sex, a big house, a grand vacation, fancy clothes…you know…stuff.
Many of us grew up on the glamorization of wealth.
Popular historic TV shows like Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous and modern reality programs like Keeping Up With the Kardashians are entertaining because we share the same desire to live a comfortable life.
Situations
Happiness is dependent on how things are going.
If your job is going well, your family is healthy, you’ve got enough money to pay the bills, then you’re happy.
If you’re sick, had a bad day at the office, your family is miserable, and you’re broke, then you’re unhappy.
This dynamic is very person-specific. We all know people who seem to be happy under any circumstance — their dog dies, they celebrate the good times they had with them, they get sick, they put it in perspective, they lose their job, they’re confident they’ll find another one, they run out of money, they use their credit cards, they max out their credit cards, they live on a friend’s sofa, their friend kicks them out, they live in a tent, the tent leaks causing them to get pneumonia and end up in the hospital, at least the meals are free…
Yet others can’t cope with the slightest of life’s curveballs. Their air conditioning breaks, they’re miserable, they get in trouble at work, they can’t sleep, they get the sniffles, they mope around like a child, they can’t afford the same lifestyle as their friends, they become hopelessly depressed and feel inferior.
Spirituality
Up until fairly recently, most people believed their life on earth was a brief interlude before floating up into the sky, entering the pearly gates of heaven, and spending eternity stuffing their faces on buffets with unlimited crab legs, steak, and lobster and making love to every man or woman who rejected them when they were alive.
Many believe in the prosperity gospel, which basically preaches Jesus was only kidding when he told us to live modestly and humbly and to avoid accumulating wealth on earth.
Millions of people believe God wants us to be rich. I suppose on some level it makes sense. If you’re ultimately going to a better place, why not play the money game while you’re waiting.
From a psychological point of view, if you believe that there is a higher power guiding your life and when you die you’ll enter eternal paradise, it’s probably easier to cope with life’s ups and downs.
Biology
Some people have more serotonin (happy brain juice) than others. Our hormones, testosterone, estrogen, and a myriad of other chemicals flowing through our veins are definitely a factor in determining our happiness.
This is why drugs like anti-depressants and the new wave of micro-dosing psychedelics are so promising in helping us cope at a molecular level. Put bluntly, some people are born happier than others.
Mind games
It is highly insulting to tell someone who is suffering to “just be happy because lots of people got it worse.” It is true though, there is always someone who has it worse than you.
That said, it can’t hurt to try a few things:
Worst Case
While the thought of losing a job, or getting seriously ill, or having a family member who’s suffering, can be unbearable, trying to remind yourself of the worst-case scenario can help.
I can hear people saying that the worst-case scenario is suffering and death…or suffering without death. While coping with mortality is way above my pay grade, in general, things are much worse in our minds than in reality.
We often think we could never be happy if certain things happen, but we adjust and oftentimes enjoy new circumstances more than we imagined.
Go Camping
I mean it. Pop a tent in the woods, poop in a bucket, bathe in a lake, grill the fish you caught, sleep under the stars, spend a few days without the usual materialistic stuff we believe we can’t live without.
Of course, it’s wonderful to have air conditioning in the summer and heat in the winter. And, yes, indoor plumbing and refrigeration are great. But up until a couple of hundred years ago (a microsecond in history) people lived without it and were arguably happier than we are now.
Love
Rather than getting all cloudy and philosophical with who, how many people, or what constitutes true love, let’s boil it down to this: Life is more enjoyable when sharing it with someone who makes you feel good.
Simple. Seek out people who make you smile and laugh and run and play and feel alive. Then, if they allow you, kiss them.
Day by Day
I know this is a “gag me with a spoon” overused expression. But it is so true.
I’ll share a personal anecdote about why I am so certain herbs, medicines, and safe chemicals help us cope with life. In my twenties, I used to smoke pot every day. And I had a dear friend who had cancer ask me why I loved smoking it so much.
So I really searched my brain and remember telling this friend, “I smoke pot every day because when I do, I am truly in the moment. I’m not obsessing over the past or worrying about the future, I am happy at the moment. And at that moment, I have a serene, comforting, joyous sense that everything is going to be all right.”
I am not suggesting everyone needs a drug or chemical in order to live life at the moment. But the concept is clear, you can control this day, and this day alone. The past is gone, the future is out of your control, try hard to live now.
I’ll summarize with a sincere wish to my friends, family, and the world.
May you love someone and be loved.
May your dreams come true. And if they don’t, may another one take its place.
But most of all, may you have more happy days than sad ones.
Very nice read!