If You're an Adventurer and Your Lover Is a Homebody, You're Doomed
Ignore this advice at your peril
It hit me like a stomach cramp after a hot wing eating contest.
There are two types of people, with very little middle ground. And if you’re not on the same page, any relationship — platonic, romantic, or otherwise — is doomed.
The adventure addicts
Oh, do we know these types? I have these tendencies — the urge to be doing something all the time.
Some have a subconscious fear of sitting still too long — they think, like a car engine, if they don’t keep moving they’ll stall…possibly never starting up again.
The adventure addict wakes up every day with a “Today’s the day!” attitude. They’re the ones who’re up, showered, groomed, dressed, and ready to go, by 7'ish every day.
They’re the ones who people dream of telling, “Would you calm the fuck down, you hyperactive, compulsive freak. Can we just stay home and watch golf on TV for once?”
“Why don’t we go golfing ourselves?” the adventurer posits.
“Because I’m tired and just want to chill out at home, is that okay?”
“Sure. Well not really. Come on…we’ll relax later. I promise you’ll have fun.”
Materialistic adventurers
For some, an adventure means money is never an object.
Theme parks, luxurious travel, restaurants, concerts, plays, sporting events, and expensive hobbies: skiing, glamping, golfing, and boating, are worth the cost because there is no price too high for creating lasting memories.
The materialistic adventurer has a tendency to love shopping, particularly the old-fashioned way….in brick-and-mortar stores where they can touch, smell, try on, and lay their eyes on the desired merchandise.
It’s not that the materialistic adventurer is wasteful with money. Oftentimes they’re marvelously frugal and don’t pay one penny more than they should. They simply recognize and accept the trade-off: doing things cost money.
Naked adventurers
Not literally, though haven’t we all ripped our clothes off now and then?
I mean the type of person, wealthy or otherwise, who always seems to find an adventure that costs as close to nothing as imaginable: camping in a tent, window shopping, free concerts, and festivals, always bringing coolers with sandwiches and drinks to avoid restaurants, particularly at public parks and beaches.
Some confuse the naked adventurer with a corrupted homebody but make no mistake, there are plenty of adventurers who do so on a budget.
Watching a sunset at the beach doesn’t cost a penny.
Adventurer compatibility
Can a materialistic and naked adventurer get along?
Yes.
They’ll work out the money thing. One person will end up spending more than the other but things could be worse. They’ll each likely compromise and find an economical middle ground.
Separate bank accounts are probably smart. But otherwise, it’ll be great fun. They’ll travel, enjoy fine dining, see shows, and live life adventurously….together.
The homebody
Somebody who loves to be home.
That’s mostly it.
With some distinction
The fidgety homebody
Also known as the tinkerer, home improvement addict, or backyard aficionado.
The fidgety homebody likes adventure, but mostly inside their own home.
They compulsively clean or cook, or build, or transform. They move things around. They have a grand old time…just being home.
The couch potato homebody
This is what typically comes to mind when you call someone a homebody. Someone who lays on the couch with a bag of chips watching Netflix and scrolling social media all day.
Some people love being horizontal.
Nothing wrong with it. Chilling in the home is a wonderfully relaxing activity. Homebody’s think they’re living an adventurous life. To them, stretching out in comfy home clothes and vegging out on videos and shows, is perfectly adventurous….in a sedate manner.
Homebody compatibility
Can a fidgety homebody and couch potato get along?
Absolutely.
The fidgety one will have to respect the potato.
And the potato must respect the fidgety one’s hyperactivity.
But they can co-exist beautifully because of their shared love of never leaving the home.
Adventurer and homebody compatibility
No. Nopety no to infinity.
An adventurer and homebody cannot get married under any circumstance.
An adventurer will never understand the mindset of a homebody, no matter what else lines up: great sex, similar personalities, or common belief systems.
They will forever try to peel them off the couch, into the chaotic, loud, outside world because they want to experience those wonders with them. And they will be consistently resisted and rejected….told to go by themselves.
The adventurer either creates a world without their spouse or is miserable staying home…a lose-lose.
Conversely, the homebody cannot for the life of them understand why anyone would want to leave the comfort of their sofa.
The homebody will try. “Hey honey, let’s just stay home this weekend. We can do so many fun things right here.”
The homebody either accepts their spouse is having a great time without them or forces themselves to go out despite just wanting to stay home on the couch.
It cannot work long term.
The adventurer and the homebody must be kept apart at any expense….even if it takes an intervention. “We’re sorry we kidnapped you Johnny, but we cannot let you marry someone who won’t stop binge-watching season 10 of The Walking Dead…over and over. It’s just not healthy.”
The exception might be this guy. It seems he may have cracked the code of being both an adventurer and a homebody. Nicely done sir.