Marriage Is Not an Equal Partnership
Disputes over money, proposals, fairytale weddings, and sexual double standards expose deep gender differences
Of course, many men and woman do want equal partnerships conceptually…
But what does TRUE equality actually look like?
Splitting the bills: No separate or secret bank accounts.
Household expenses, credit card debt, restaurants, vacations, entertainment, insurance, auto loans are shared equally, regardless of one’s education, career, financial status, inherent wealth, or gender — even if one person saves every penny and the other spends like a drunken sailor — bills are shared 50–50.
Gender-neutral marriage proposals: In 2024, women are still at the utter mercy of men — like a child — when it comes to proposing marriage.
Equality means women should propose to men too — interrupting the power imbalance where women have to hint, pray, threaten, and suffer at the mercy of “their man.”
If you’re a woman — who’s tired of waiting — go ahead and propose.
Purchase a “male-appropriate” engagement ring, get on one knee, and hope he says yes.
Men like diamonds too.
That first kiss: Why should it be up to the man?
When you’re ready for sex, go for it. We’ll let you know if it’s too soon.
Forget the wedding: Elope and use the marriage money toward your first house or car, or to reduce the expense of future children.
Too pragmatic?
Unromantic?
I’m sure there’s a man out there with the Barbie fantasy of the white dress, fairytale wedding — spending thousands — or hundreds of thousands of dollars — on banquet halls, hotels, gourmet food, open bars, DJs, and showers— but I’ve never met that man.
That tends to be a woman’s dream.
Equality means if a man prefers not to have an expensive wedding, his thoughts should at least be considered.
Why is a partnership so difficult for men to accept?
Part of it is generational.
Despite societal changes, many men have a difficult time sharing a restaurant bill or being taken care of by a woman — regardless of each other’s financial status, career, or wealth.
Is it pride? Ego? An innate need to be the provider?
Is it jealousy? Fear? Embarrassment?
I can’t explain it. Some blame biology; others blame culture.
It doesn’t really matter, a true partnership (through good times and bad…) means wealth is shared — regardless of who earned it….and regardless of who spends it.
The sexual double standard
Popular music (WAP,) social media platforms (Instagram, TikTok, Only Fans,) provocative clothing, and tremendous financial gains, have empowered women to seek relationships on their own terms.
Yet, women still bear the stigma of being called a slut (or whore) if they have multiple sexual partners while men continue to be praised for such prowess.
Equality means a woman has the right to explore her sexuality in the same way men do — without being labeled, judged, or made to feel she is doing something dirty or forbidden.
Men can’t expect their wives and daughters to follow a strict code of sexual morality while they attempt to have sex with any willing woman — even if society still seems to encourage and reinforce this double standard.
Men and women both fall short when it comes to being faithful.
Maybe a new kind of marriage partnership should emerge, legally spelling out what happens when cheating occurs, thus eliminating the need to forgive, or end up in a soul-breaking cycle of betrayal and uncertainty.
Cheating could automatically end the marriage (or not) without the need for an expensive, messy divorce or fighting over assets — it would all be spelled out in advance, like a corporation.
Summary
While men need to own — and tame — our deep-seated need for power and control, women need to admit when it comes to marriage proposals, engagement rings, and fairytale weddings they expect their man to act…..like a man.
This tends to be why many people only date and marry someone of similar, compatible financial circumstances.
As much as couples claim money doesn’t matter, it certainly does, and if one person is significantly wealthier than the other, there will be a power imbalance that no prenuptial can ameliorate.
Even when all things seem equal — money, career, religion, politics — deeply ingrained gender differences remain difficult to navigate and reconcile.
It may be that we’re not supposed to spend our entire lives with just one person but the fairytale is so mesmerizing and poetic we can’t help but keep trying.
Maybe equality is overrated and it’s okay for one person to have a little more control and power in a marriage.
Ask me to marry you…let’s find out.