Maybe People Are Isolating Themselves for Self-Preservation
Since humans can only take so much rejection, perhaps it's better to stick with things we can trust and make us feel good...like our smartphones and social media
Love kills.
20% of murders are committed by an intimate partner; 65% of murder-suicides are perpetrated by intimate partners.
Humanity is dangerous, messy, and unpredictable.
Better said, people in love who are rejected, betrayed, disrespected, or ditched, sometimes are so consumed with rage and fury, they kill the person they swore they loved.
Perhaps I'm watching too many true crime documentaries but most seem to follow the same pattern: a man or woman tells the other they love them deeply and forever, one of them betrays the other, and the aggrieved person can't mentally and psychologically handle it, and so they get a gun and shoot them to death.
With few exceptions, these passion-related killers seem perfectly sane before a break-up or divorce destroys their ability to make rational decisions.
Losing love hurts like nothing else.
Yes, losing a job, getting a severe medical diagnosis, or the death of a loved one, hurts, but nothing can destroy your soul like someone who promised to love you forever deciding to throw you away for someone better.
Our brains wonder….what the hell happened?
This person, who loved me so deeply and completely, now won't give me the time of day. What did I do? How can I get them back?
Am I ugly now? Am I no longer lovable?
Have I lost my romantic touch?
Maybe our brains have been hijacked by all the technology it’s been fed nonstop….nearly every waking hour?
We spend so much time trying to figure out why we've all become so addicted to our smartphones and tablets and laptops and video games and alternate realities.
And why our self-esteem has taken such a hit.
Maybe these comfortable, little, 3-inch screen companions have become a substitute for actual socialization for the most obvious reason.
Maybe they're designed to give us just enough dopamine to feel satiated….but not enough to turn us into bed-bound, blobs of skin and bones - buzzing and drooling into technological junkies.
Going viral isn’t quite as pleasurable as an orgasm but let’s be honest, it’s pretty close.
Maybe Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok, as well as our emails, texts, and video games, stimulate and excite us just enough, that we prefer to avoid the risk of rejection or that an unpredictable, untrustworthy, sloppy, messy, human will suddenly find a younger, sexier, richer version of ourselves - and dump us like yesterday’s news.
Nobody ever wakes up and thinks that Instagram is going to break up with them.
Ironically, it's the dating apps that have likely created this environment of extreme insecurity.
Being flooded with potential lovers makes it almost impossible to settle on just one person - not unlike spending an hour scrolling for a decent show on Netflix only to give up because of an overload of choices.
We don't like to admit it, but true love requires extraordinary discipline.
Before technology placed sex in our pockets, most of us dated one person at a time.
And, when we felt something special was emerging as a potential love interest, we purposefully cut ourselves off from other potential mates to give the relationship a chance.
If we frequented single’s bars, we’d stop going.
It’s not that we suddenly hated single’s bars, but we knew not to tempt ourselves in the same way people on diets avoid ice cream parlors.
If we're constantly stimulated - the way we are by our smartphones - with a multitude of potential love affairs, we may decide it's safer to stay away from actual human beings and stick to stimulating ourselves electronically and artificially.
In a way, we have fallen more in love with the dopamine hits and jolts of serotonin we receive from a heartwarming video or a bunch of likes and followers, than the unpredictability and unbearably heartbreaking inconsistencies and betrayals associated with human love.
We humans are no match for the reliability and consistency of our computers.
We lie. We cheat. We get jealous. We steal other people's husbands and wives and girlfriends and boyfriends.
Then we lie about it.
As of yet, our computers don't do that.
They provide us with an endless stream of predictable, reliable, controllable, pleasures and joys that may not quite stimulate us the way a human being does but come close.
SUMMARY
There are endless stories written about how many people are isolating themselves and no longer dating or even socializing with friends anymore.
Scientific research is trying to isolate the effect of being so compulsively attached to the artificial reality presented to us in endless streams of videos, memes, notifications, followers, and likes…as well as why dating and relationships have become so fraught with pitfalls and dealbreakers.
It may turn out our brains have been permanently corrupted by technology….hijacked by those little plastic devices feeding us perfectly times doses of dopamine that distract us from ever being able to “put in the time” to develop a messy, challenging, yet meaningful, human relationship.
After an exciting or tumultuous date, escaping into your smartphone is as comforting as a baby suckling her mother’s milk.
It may be as simple as having difficulty choosing a box of cereal in the supermarket or trying to find something to watch on Netflix….too many choices paralyze us.
While tragic for those who value the joy of being in the flesh, and having human-to-human interactions like those experienced in churches, temples, local sports, and book clubs, we’re being inundated with such an enormous amount of stimulation from social media, we’ve become sapped and zapped of the motivation to trust others in the real world.
Strangely, our psychosocial, emotional, and even sexual desires are being met while never having to leave our homes.
It’s dystopian.
The solution - which is about as likely to happen as a blizzard in Miami - is to force ourselves to get off of social media and forsake the newly emerging computer technology that promises to make our lives orgasmically exciting and pleasurable.
It means dating one person at a time.
It means caring less about your followers and how many likes your latest post garners and focusing more on those whom you value and trust - in the real world.
It means re-creating a world where there are only a dozen cereals in the supermarket or just three TV channels to choose from.
It means, in some ways, going backward, technologically.
Unfortunately, we’re going to be even more wired over the next few years….and therefore social isolation will likely increase.
It’s not possible to develop deeply trusting, meaningful relationships while being bombarded with artificial hits of dopamine - in the same way, we’d never be able to quit smoking or drinking if nicotine and alcohol were constantly being micro-dosed into our bloodstream.
We’re grossly saturated in technologically engineered serotonin.
That said, like a prisoner in solitary confinement who never stops dreaming of touching, holding, and kissing an actual human being, we all possess a little boy or girl deep inside of us who knows our souls are being hijacked.
That little voice inside our heads reminds us of how unique, funny, attractive, and worthy we are of true love - not a computerized facsimile thereof….no matter how mesmerizing and soothing the algorithms are becoming.
As I finish typing this article, I get up from my table-for-one at the Barnes & Noble Cafe and walk quickly to the bathroom.
An attractive woman shouts towards me, “Do you work here?”
I replied, “Nope. But I take that as a compliment.”
The woman smirked and said, “You’re walking with such purpose and authority.”
I smiled widely and thought to myself….I think this lady likes me.
I think I still got it!
And for a few seconds, I wondered if I just squandered a dating opportunity.
Then I pulled out my phone…..for self-preservation.