Conflicted
Many of us are genuinely torn.
We want the emotional, sensual, and enjoyable moments a relationship brings, but we’re also quite comfortable with our freedom.
We know it’s better to go through life with a partner, but we also cherish our privacy and alone time.
We want to have our relationship cake….and eat it too.
Relationship mode
For me, a man from the Paleolithic era, sex only occurs in a relationship, oftentimes as a prerequisite.
It’s always been a binary decision — commit to a long-term relationship or remain celibate.
Once in relationship mode, everything is magnified: a dinner becomes a do-or-die moment — when to make a sexual move is fraught with risk, and promises are made with little thought of their consequences.
To be clear, I’m NOT talking about slapping some superfluous, meaningless title on one of the people you’re having sex with, haphazardly. I’m talking about being ready to commit to something that could likely end in marriage.
A relationship is serious. And if you’re ready, you should truly want to “couple up.” — not just be playing a game of semantics until the sex is no longer satisfying.
How do you know you’re ready?
Explore these 3 areas for some clues:
Money: If you enter a relationship, who’s going to pay for what? Sounds simple, but we know finances can easily become a bone of contention and many relationships break up over it.
Home Sweet Home: For some, a relationship means living in separate homes and making plans to do things together. Others define a relationship as living together and functioning as a married couple. Know where you stand.
Be Honest with Yourself: Are you really ready to snore in front of someone — to make personal sacrifices. A relationship means you spend the mass majority of your life with that one person— not continuing to swipe away online or spending time with other people….or being alone.
It’s okay to play
If you just want to have sex for the fun of it with different people, Hooray for you…and your partners. There is nothing wrong with just having casual, sex-oriented, non-relationships. It’s okay to just play around.
If you’re not comfortable having casual sex and prefer it strictly be part of a committed relationship, but you’re just not ready for one, don’t fake it.
You’re just going to lead someone to believe you meant all those commitments and promises when all you really wanted was sex.
Relationship paradise
Building a life with someone is rewarding — the home, the holidays, the family, the comfort, and the security.
For many, the honeymoon phase transitions into a powerful, deep, meaningful partnership infused with love, respect, passion, and power. If we’re blunt, this transition involves a trade-off — mind-blowing, died-and-gone-to-heaven, sex, or, a more routine, comfortable, dare-I-say, predictable existence.
If relationship paradise means the moment you start feeling attraction to others, you bail out, don’t start one.
Summary
Find someone who wants what you want.
If all you really want is sex, find someone who wants that too.
If you want a serious relationship, find someone who defines it the way you do.
If you want a relationship that allows for multiple sexual partners, find someone who feels the way you do.
If you don’t have a true, serious, burning desire to be in a relationship, don’t pursue it.
There are no guarantees, but a rocket ship can’t make it into the atmosphere without sufficient fuel.
If your relationship tank is empty, it can’t survive — just stay single.
You’ll know when you’re ready, and if you never are, that’s perfectly fine — follow your bliss.