Sex, Dating, and When It's Time
Can men and women speak openly about this topic without confusion and accusations?
Myself, and every man I've ever known - gay or straight - thinks about sex a lot. Not just transient thoughts, but all the time....every single day... at every age and stage of life....married or not.
Do women obsess about sex as much?
People scrolling on dating apps often have one thing in mind when someone agrees to meet them and they sense an attraction, and that is....when...more precisely....how soon, will the person agree (want) to have sex with them.
Myself, and many of my friends have dated women who expressed an attraction (spark), but said they were burned (used) too many times by men who said all the right things to get them into bed....and then ghosted them having achieved their apparent sexual goals.
I'm certain both men and women love sex.
We all dream about it.
We all crave it.
We all fantasize about it.
We all want someone to find us unbearably, intensely, physically attractive....so much so, that simply the thought of our kiss makes them tingle and practically convulse with pleasure.
As a man I have a few sincere questions for women:
On a first date, how quickly do you know whether there's a physical attraction? And if there is one, what mental and emotional process do you go through to decide when a first kiss is appropriate and desirable?
If you don't feel an initial physical attraction, does it ever emerge after a few dates (...so, you're telling me there's a chance?)
Does there have to be a physical attraction for you to want to date a man?
I’ve read so many wonderful stories about how difficult it is to sustain that intense, fresh, "new love" feeling.
It seems a lot of it has to do with that difficult transition in any relationship when sex loses its fresh, animalistic and unpredictable excitement.
I hear many of you screaming, "SEX IS NOT EVERYTHING IN A RELATIONSHIP!"
Of course it's not.
But I believe Generation Z's openness to multiple sexual partners even within devoted, dedicated relationships and marriages is their way of acknowledging that traditional marriage has not worked for half (or more) of the older generations.
And a big reason for rampant breakups and divorces is sexual infidelity.
Of course, relationships and marriages can become essentially asexual for a multitude of reasons, particularly as we age.
And to be transparent, at my age, I'm beginning to enjoy the company and companionship of a women at a nice restaurant, or taking a stroll through a beautiful park, or kayaking with alligators, as much as having sex.
Commitment and companionship feel really good.
But I do wonder if I'll ever stop seeking the intoxication and euphoria of meeting someone new and wondering if they feel the same way.
The heart-palpitating, spine-tingling, breathless anticipation of that first kiss.
Maybe true love is finding a way to tame our biological desires and exert discipline and self-control and push away sexual thoughts and impulses once we're in a committed relationship.
Maybe the younger generation is on to something when they give each other "permission" to have sex with multiple partners. Maybe that allows them enough sexual freedom to remain loyal to their long-term partners.
Maybe, I'm not normal.
Let me know.