The Naked Truth About Sex, Love, and Cheating
Next to the sudden death of a loved one, being cheated on hurts so excruciatingly bad, maybe it's time to throw in the towel and just be wild animals
When it comes to cheating, which one are you?
I try not to cheat, but if I do, I keep it secret….and, if I’m caught, I lie - mercilessly and bold-faced - never admitting the indiscretion under any circumstances.
or….
Having multiple sexual partners is completely natural and should be openly embraced and accepted as part of a modern, contemporary relationship or marriage.
We’re all wild animals
We tend to cheat - deeply hurting someone in the process.
Everyone has a sexual fantasy hidden in the recesses of their minds.
And when faced with the possibility of actually coming true - with a flesh-and-blood, human being - it causes them to succumb to temptation, praying they’ll get away with it.
Not our kids
This generation doesn't want to play the hush-hush - if we keep it secret it didn't happen, mind game of ignoring infidelity.
They’re desperately trying to find a way to have their sexual cake and eat it too.
Polyamory (many lovers) is being explored - largely by the younger generations - where you devote your allegiance to one person but agree on terms allowing each partner to have sex (and sometimes cohabitate) with other partners.
Theoretically, acknowledging our sexual desires and finding a rules-oriented “loophole” to indulge these fetishes with additional partners, sounds mature and sophisticated (and pragmatic.) But I’m profoundly dubious we can successfully tame the jealous beast that erupts when we’ve been betrayed….even with the best intentions.
Here's why…
A large part of our brain operates at the subconscious level.
At these primal levels, we’re animals with the same sexual compulsions, fetishes, deep desires, and inappropriateness that we see in the wild with monkeys, gorillas, dogs, and cats.
Unlike monkeys though, we've evolved to develop a consciousness that includes deep feelings of envy and jealousy - so profound, when someone we love cheats on us the psychological torture can be so extreme it affects us physically - we can't eat, can't sleep, we’re depressed, we get heart palpitations.
While sincere, noble, and well-intentioned, trying to psych yourself into thinking it's okay for the love of your life to have filthy, raw, uninhibited, orgasmic sex with your roommates and friends, is nearly impossible….for many.
That's why the rules of polyamory are constantly being tweaked and changed to keep up with a creeping sense of envy and jealousy.
As much as we try….our minds don’t control our bodies….entirely.
Because underneath our illusory morality, we have the same ferocious sexual drive as monkeys and gorillas….just not strictly for our wives or husbands.
It reminds me of a woman, who, when she caught her husband having wild sex with the babysitter, told her he would never degrade her humanity by having that kind of sex with her…it was too filthy….that she deserved to be treated like a princess or a Queen in bed….not a whore or slut.
Because we love the excitement of fresh, unpredictable, where's-this-all-going, animalistic, bang me like a frat boy, sex….despite knowing we could get caught and it could ruin our lives.…we do it anyway!
Yet we cling to the fairytale that we’ll find our true soulmate and never desire or be tempted by another.
We equate tender kisses, spooning, caressing, and making love as being so intimate - so magnificently, indescribably, and physically pleasurable - that our logical, evolved, conscious brains can’t process the pain when we’re deceived or betrayed.
As much as we try to soothe ourselves, the mental anguish eats us alive.
Our sense of trust is irreparably harmed.
Our self-esteem was wrecked - our hearts were broken.
As we get older - mercifully - wild, spontaneous, sexual romps, become less physiologically and physically possible to execute.
We recognize the distinctions between wanting someone physically and appreciating someone for their intelligence, compassion, sense of humor, and dedication.
We crave more than physical satisfaction; we crave companionship, a hand to hold, someone to pick up our prescriptions - someone to be there for us.
We value and treasure someone who sees the world we do.
Maybe we humans will find a way to separate our desire for sex from our equal need to be appreciated and loved for who we are.
Maybe technology will provide us with virtual sexual experiences so real, that we won’t need to cheat on another human being, ever again.
In the meantime…….who are you?
A liar or a cheat?