This Is How Young Men Were Taught To "Get" a Woman
Nothing turns off a woman more than a desperate man
Once a woman knows she has you, it’s over.
That’s what I was taught by older, “wiser,” men.
Women want what they can’t have….they said.
Don’t ever let them know how you feel about them.
Give them just enough attention to want more.
Don’t ever tell a woman how you feel about her. And under no circumstance tell her you love her. That’s a death knell.
A man is never to chase a woman.
Entice her. Tease her. Give her a glimpse of the mystery and magic that are potentially available….but let her chase you….make her wait.
By the time I came of age during the 80s, women had caught on to this strikingly transparent, misogynistic, and stupid mind game and began to emulate it.
And so began a confusing, frustrating, sometimes hilarious, process where both the man and the woman refused to be the first ones to express their feelings, attractions, or desires to each other.
Strangely, true life experience seemed to validate this notion that once someone expresses their inner, heartfelt, passion — or love —there is no going back….that it ruins everything.
Once the cat’s out of the bag, the manic, adrenaline-soaked, can’t-eat; can’t-sleep, romantic journey gets punctured…..and whatever potential for a lasting relationship is ruined….replaced by the need for another chase.
Sometimes, it goes, a man or woman becomes so intoxicated with raw desire they just can’t keep their feelings to themselves, breaking all the rules by professing their love too soon.
The truth is all relationships tend to start the same way
An attraction.
A spark.
An unexpected interest in someone that surprisingly and uncontrollably lingers.
How would I advise young men and women when it comes to dating and romance?
There are no rules.
Be romantic and believe in fairytales but don’t deny reality.
New, fresh, mentally, and emotionally charged relationships are called the ‘honeymoon stage’ for a reason.
And honeymoons always end.
What you’re left with after the honeymoon stage becomes a series of conscious choices.
Are you willing to give the relationship a fair chance even after you begin to have second thoughts?
Are you willing to ignore your dating apps even when that one person who you thought would never message you….does?
Are you willing to explore your lover’s mind and emotions, hopes and dreams, and not be stuck strictly on the physical attraction?
Are you willing to build a family and financial future with someone, knowing it’s a shared goal, requiring exhausting, painstaking, work, loyalty, and sacrifice?
Are you willing to love someone the way you love a family member — unconditionally?
And if, sadly, the relationship or marriage doesn’t work out, are you willing to end it with dignity, fairness, and forgiveness?
So how should young men and women “get” each other?
Fiercely, honestly, and bravely.
Dream big……together.
Know that everything truly meaningful in life has to be built over time.
But most of all…..don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and exposed. That doesn’t make you weak and shouldn’t ruin anything.
If expressing how you feel makes you desperate and despicable, you will die desperately and despicably, single.
Don’t be afraid to take a chance and face rejection.
If you wait until you feel you’re ready, you will lose valuable opportunities.
Don’t be afraid.
We come into this world alone and will leave it alone…..take a chance on someone….take a chance on yourself.