When Men's Anger Gets the Best of Them
Many men are quickly triggered, going from irritated to angry to violent…Why? And what to do about it, if anything
I’ve had two fist fights in my life — one in high school and one in college, both essentially over nothing.
I’ll never forget how quickly I went from being calm and rational, to mildly disturbed, to feeling my heart accelerating, to swinging my fist at another man’s face.
So you know the whole story…during the fight in high school, I landed one punch on his jaw…and he landed one punch in my stomach, and then another student broke the fight up and pushed us far enough apart that we had enough time to contemplate the consequences….and walked away.
If the fight hadn’t been broken up, we would have continued until one of us was too winded or hurt to continue….we were that red-hot, out-of-control, angry…..over a seat on the school bus.
The fight in college turned more into a wrestling match than a fistfight, though we both threw punches that missed.
To this day, I remember the emotional arc leading up to these fights.
My blood began to slowly, then quickly, boil, I don’t remember if there were a few seconds between me being mildly disturbed and going bat-shit crazy, that I could’ve talked myself off the ledge….and calmed myself down, but I don’t think I could have.
Once that mysterious something clicked in my mind, I became a raging lunatic and lashed out in ways that were uncharacteristic of my personality. But once I did calm down, I felt an immediate sense of guilt, remorse, and regret for behaving so animalistically.
What are men going to do about this inclination to go from rational to violently irrational?
Yes, there is such a thing as being provoked…we all have buttons that can be pushed. And I am certain there are examples of men justifiably going apeshit in order to ultimately save another person’s life or prevent further violence.
And, yes, a much smaller percentage of women, are just as violent as men.
But I’m not talking about the exception.
The solutions will either be sociological or pharmaceutical.
Sociological:
We can argue about the effectiveness of teaching men anger control management.
Most courts will insist men involved in a first-time domestic violence episode take an approved course (and pass a test) related to anger management but I do not (I started to research this but couldn’t find any data) know how effective these courses are in preventing future domestic violence.
If these kinds of anger management courses are scientifically effective, we might consider making them mandatory as part of the curriculum in every public high school.
It is also incumbent upon men, regardless of their past sins, who’ve demonstrated the ability to de-escalate situations before they blow up into physical violence, to counsel (put under their wing) young men.
Pharmaceutical:
We all know that prescription drugs have varying degrees of success when it comes to regulating behaviors, particularly with patients in hospitals and nursing homes with medical diagnoses of psychosis, schizophrenia, and dementia.
But what about your average man? A man with no history or observable inclination towards violence?
Some would suggest all men should be on some kind of “chill pill,” if it could be proven to reduce or eliminate their violent tendencies.
It’s likely as artificial intelligence improves with the creation of micro-targeted drugs for depression, anxiety, and behaviors, there will come a day when we take a blood test and our doctor prescribes just the right cocktail of drugs — not just for men, but for all of us.
Conclusion:
I recognize I’m simplifying an indescribably difficult topic.
I also recognize that our current, social-media-soaked, popular culture glorifies dominance and physical power to the point where young men (and women) now see brutal, blood-drawing, violence as a viable solution to their problems.
“If you do that again, I’m going to kick the shit out of you,” is being accepted and even encouraged in schools, on social media, in families, and in our communities, instead of, “I feel like I’m about to kick the shit out of you, let’s talk things out.”
The latter quote sounds so pollyannish and unlikely, it sounds absurd.
To women who, because of personal experience or for no reason at all, are so fed up that they aren’t interested in discussing this topic, and would rather avoid men altogether, I understand.
For men who, because they’ve never been violent in their lives, wish to ignore this topic because it doesn’t apply to them, I understand.
I do feel like I am reaching the final “installment” of these “Men are Angry,” articles because it has to become a grassroots movement that either grows organically or doesn’t.
For those of you brave enough to engage on this volatile topic, I salute you!