I know what you’re thinking…..this guy must be a miserable, loveless, scrooge. His heart must be broken into a million pieces. Poor soul.
Well, you’re right and wrong. Of course, I’ve had my share of broken hearts, but I very much believe in love.
Philosophy
I won’t make you puke by waxing poetic about how love is a journey, not a destination.
I could say, marriage vows are foolish because you have no earthly idea how you’re going to feel 5 minutes from now, let alone 5 years or 5 decades.
I could also say we confuse love with lust. And since most relationships begin as physical attraction, we confuse sex with love.
I could go further and say there is no such thing as love. It’s just a word we use to describe when we feel passionate about something. “I love these French fries so much. They’re so crispy,” you might say. And in the next breath turn to your spouse and say, “I love French fries a lot…..but of course I love you too.”
We love our dogs. We love chocolate. We love sunsets and rainbows and theme parks…..and…..we love people.
Love is a word.
Biology
I could spew a few thousand well-researched words about how our brain chemistry changes when we feel a strong physical attraction to someone. And how it makes us feel euphoric as if we’d just snorted cocaine or downed shots of tequila.
And how in this biologically altered state, we feel we’re going to love the person forever.
We mean well.
But we can’t stay in that up-all-night, adrenaline-soaked, breathless desire state indefinitely. We would literally die…..from love.
So, for our own self-protection, our brain mercifully stops producing enough serotonin to kill a moose, and we come back down to earth.
But not before we’ve told the object of our chemically enhanced desire that they are the most gorgeous, intelligent, soul-matching, earth-shattering, spine-tingling, mind-blowing, human to have ever walked the earth.
And promising them our undying, neverending, unbreakable, till-death-do-us-part, love.
Sociology
Love is what you do.
Love is when you say what you mean and then do what you said.
Love is today.
Love is now.
Love is trusting and giving and forgiving but it doesn’t expect you to be a fool. If someone doesn’t treat you right and doesn’t want you anymore, love is letting them go.
Love is trying with every fiber in your body to put someone else's needs above your own, not because you must, but because you know they will likely do the same for you.
Love is saying no to temptation. And if you cave, accepting the consequence. Sometimes a moment of foolish wild abandon means you blew it forever. Forgiving and forgetting are two different things.
Love is often the exact opposite of what storybooks profess. It’s stubbornly sticking with someone even when you have doubts.
It is knowing exactly what to offer at exactly the right time….and then doing it.
It’s talking and cooking and resting and cuddling and planning and dreaming.
It is not a promise of anything.
Words are cheap.
Love is mysterious and fragile and brutal and unfair and infuriating.
But caring for someone is what life is all about. And If they happen to care for you too, it’s love.
Does there come a point when you can only put your heart out so many times before you give up forever?
Do you reach a point where being alone is just easier?
I’ll make you a promise….you’ll be the first to know.